Uncomfortably Numb

There was a time in my life when I felt much more intensely than I do now. About what? Practically everything, but especially about religious things. I can remember being in my early 20’s, hanging out with someone on an old Civil War battlefield and being moved to tears as I thougt about denominational division in the Church. Then there was a time in my mid 20’s,  when I lived with a missionary couple in Ukraine in close community with brothers and sisters and I had a feeling that I would have described to you at that time as “homesick for heaven”.

I’m in my late 30’s now and I simply don’t feel those kinds of things any more. If I ever think about the fragmentation of the Body of Christ, I feel resignation. It’s not going to change in my lifetime. As for that homesick feeling; it doesn’t come any more. I’m so occupied with thoughts of what’s going on here.

Granted, I can get emotional, especially when it comes to my children but in general I feel as though a great deal of my passion has burned away with my youth.

Why do you suppose that is?



Filed under Reflection

2 responses to “Uncomfortably Numb

  1. Hi. I’ve known some of that softening of the edges, too. Don’t know what it’s all about, but I’ve got some clues. I’ll keep thinking about it.

  2. amtog

    Welcome Steve.

    I like that “softening of the edges” phrase…at least from a literary point of view. Not only does it capture the internal state but it is reminiscent of the rounding of my physical state. 😉

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